Log 10360

One of them entered my hut for the first time in days? Weeks? I don`t know any more. She kissed me, and as she did, she force-fed me something, and it makes my stomach ache. I don`t know if it`s poisonous, infected, spoiled or if I`m just starving, but I`m barely able to write this. I have to stop from time to time from the pain. 

She came back. She sat by the door and just looked at me. And i looked at her. Part of me wants to make love to her. But there wouldn`t be any love. There would just be...instinct. And pain. That`s there all the time. Part of me wants to talk to her. She is the only human-like contact I have, even if she`s my jailor and torturer, even if she won`t answer.

And then there`s the hungry part of me. I`m losing my humanity. I`m becoming more like them. I don`t think I want to survive anymore.

Log 10361

She spoke to me. I didn`t hear any sound, but she spoke to me. The words entered my mind directly as she silently looked at me. 

The great orp grants them power in exchange for pain. Anyone`s pain. It doesn`t have to be theirs but they don`t mind it either. They welcome pain. It is their legacy from their elders and it is the legacy to their children. And it`s their gift to us. I am lucky to have been chosen.